At the beginning of this project I would have never imagined the outcome coming out as it has. How far I have come creatively and personally during this project is still something I still can’t quite believe and I am incredibly proud of. The work I have created in sensitive to the subject matter while still triggering an emotional response by transporting the viewer into the shoes of someone experiencing cycles of abuse, but also it stays away from the cliches and also being too literal as I have stayed away from portraiture, which was a very conscious decision, but at the same time it was where the project naturally took itself and I didn’t force it back into the box of portraiture which is what I would have done in the past.
Looking at my feedback from the end of project crit, I have realised how successful my project has been in a way I didn’t think I had before. I knew my work was technically accomplished and I have achieved a huge amount of physical work, but until that point I didn’t know if it was successful in my aim of creating a mirror so the viewer could emote with the subject. Before it, other feedback sessions and crits, I have received feedback about the red wool, and how it wasn’t clear in it’s symbolism of power and control. I took note of this at the time, however it was an idea which pushed the entire project forward and I knew, well hoped that once I had the vast amounts of prints, and placed them in the repetitive pattern, that it would convey the message I intended. In the final crit, I had many pieces of feedback regarding how because the messy nature of the wool and how it felt placed without thought, conveyed the message intended, and because of the historical and social contexts of the colour red strengthens the project. The piece of feedback which stood out to me the most was ‘to me it visually translates accidents being pieced together like a puzzle to show careful intention behind seemingly random and accidental instances of abuse.’ This stood out because of me using the idea of how our memory stores trauma in fragments and in the aftermath it is how we put the memories back to together to get a coherent understanding, and their interpretation draw on that but also they have their own ideas added. This to me demonstrates that I did need to show all the information, and instead by giving clues and being more abstract, people are able to relate and situate themselves within the piece.
Most of my positive feedback was about the repetition of the images and how it stimulates the experiences of noting the abuse through retrospection and how it doesn’t make it in your face. How the different uses of colours add different emotions throughout the cycle, such as the inverted images on the black paper add to a feeling of dread, and the pink mirrors what the relationship should be, full of love. The idea of making this a large-scale repetitive installation was an idea I had later on in the project and at the time I had mixed feedback on, asking if it was necessary as I had strong images, however now I am glad I stuck with my gut, because it was the main thing in the end which conveyed my message. The letterpress prints had also a positive reaction, and their simplicity paid off, was the intention of a small amount of text on blank white paper, showed the impact and the importance of these words without being interrupted by other details, but also they draw the view in closer to the text and images which helps the viewer explicitly understand the subject.
I had a comment about maybe changing the grid structure to a 3×3 grid and then repeating that, which made me consider then putting a larger gap between each grid structure to form structured, strict and repetitive installation, and I agreed with the feedback that it then may convey the idea of patterns and repetition more clearly and succinctly. However, without that gap, it don’t think it would enhance anything, because they all merge into one giant grid structure like at the moment. But also this would be something I would have to consider when thinking about the space it would be exhibited in, because of making sure it would fill the space correctly and evenly. Another comment received was about the clarity of the photocopies/scans of the objects to make the plates, as they didn’t all seem to be as crisp as they could be. I understand this comment and is one I had before, however from myself being able to hold the prints myself and not view them through a computer, I believe all but one are completely clear and wouldn’t need any changes. The cigarette packet is the only one I believe which is not completely clear. This was because as box shaped object it was hard to scan without it looking 2D, and that’s why I scrunched the packet, because it looked odd compared the rest of the images when it was 2D, I thought about photographing the packet instead, however the felt odd again as the rest which were scanned. I could have considered scanning just cigarettes. At the time, I like the distorted look of the cigarette packet, and even now it is not something that bothers me, however compared to the crisp look of all the other images, it does look something out of place, and I understand the feedback and criticism.
One of the parts of this project which I am most proud of was the amount of research and developmental work which went into this project and how I used the printmaking as a method for experimentation, development, and reflection. Up until the point of the prints were up on my wall, I was still developing and experimenting, and because of the processes I went through it continuously made me redevelop, rethink, and question my ideas and meant I constantly pushing where my ideas and the project could go. I think this amount of rethinking and development, and the of research behind it really shows in the end result. Even though it was difficult at times to delve into my story of trauma and specially to interrogate it to find little pieces which can be turned into something tangible from an experience which feels completely intangible at times, gave life and a sense of reality to this project.
With where I was further and develop this project in the future would be to create more prints, experiment more with the colours, but keep in in the same scheme, of black, white, pink and red. I would really like to be able to find a exhibition space, and set it up as a living environment, as even though that initially happened because of circumstances due to Covid-19 I think it gives the work real strength, and fill the room top to bottom with these prints, very methodically and nearly set up. Really distorting the sense of space and what that space means for the viewer. It that way it would become interactive. Their memories, emotions, and feelings, then interact with the space to enhance the meaning and feeling with the work. Still apart of me wants to experiment with the hand holding the ball of wall postcard from the postcard session and see how that would interact with the rest of the print. I just want to keep developing and deep diving into this project, half of me doesn’t want it to end, whereas sometimes I need to discover when to stop.
I find this a very difficult project to evaluate, because so much of me went into it, on a personal and creative level. The amount of time spent to make sure I was honouring the subject matter, and to make sure it was respected. But also, the amount of time I spent learning, on the level of process, including the time consuming photo-etching process, but retraining my mind on how to think about creating images and the steps taken to get there. I am so used to designing the image in my head, then a quick sketch onto paper before just painting, and then putting that into print. Here the process was with print, and I never knew how each image was going to turn out until I taken it off the press. This was a very special project to me, and to me this feels like just the beginning, and I am curious if I followed this path further where it would take me.
Lastly, the amount of time and effort into this project I believe was incredible, and I really and truly dedicated myself to it. I have been very lucky in many ways, for my final year of university, I am no longer a full-time chef, and I work part time, so I have way more time to dedicate to university work. I was committed before, and always put in a lot of time, but I had to make every minute count. Now I have time to rest and recharge to reconsider and experiment with ideas. Even though for most of the first term I only had access to the printmaking workshops on 2 days, I made those 2 days count, and my experience with having little time came into use here, and I used that time wisely. I knew there might be a chance of the workshops closing at some point therefore I organised myself and not just this project but also my dissertation round the fact I wanted to get my printing done just in case the workshops close, and this was my saving grace, because I could have spent more time in the research and phrase without printing, however then I would have had time to print my ideas, however because I used my printing time as my period of experimentation and development, I walked out with a tonne of work which I can be proud of. It also helps I am extremely proficient and even fast in these workshops, from continual use, especially in letterpress, which I set and printed over 20 different lines in less than a day and a half.
I believe my attitude which contributed to a good headspace helped significantly in the success of this project. Originally, I was struggling with the voices of others saying it was impossible to achieve anything in the current circumstance, and in the end, to overcome that, I had to use that as fuel and prove them wrong. Normally stubbornness can be of detriment, however I truly believe it is what has driven me in this project to create the best and most successful work I have ever created.