Category: Research

I am going to be honest here, I am really struggling with this project, I am struggling to get together an idea which I feel I can continue with. I have all this indepth research which I am struggling to visualise in a sophisticated and sensitive way which is not autobiographical as I am aiming for autoethnographical. Due to this I have mentally driven myself to a place that I feel completely unable to create, because I have but all this pressure on myself, however even when pushing myself to just sketch and explore I am struggling to find anything which works which is lowering my self esteem and confidence. I truly love the images of the photocopied hands, and because the areas of light are the areas where the hand is touching the glass and to me that feels special and represents the feeling of touch more so than a photo can. Also my tutorial with Leigh today has put my mind in a weird place, because I was so confident in the images and now I don’t know what to think.

However at this moment in time I think it is more important to continue to create with works and imagery I believe in, still take comments in hand, especially as I know I do not want my final outcome to be one image, on its own.

This is why I have started to look into Artists books, because I want this work to be interactive, and I think the way the audience interacts will be more important than the imagery itself. I want to be able to covey the confusion, the fragmentation, dissociation and as I like to call it, the untangling of the fairy lights, in it’s form rather than the imagery, as that is more likely to be able to become a mirror for more.

Hedi Kyle, is a Canadian Book Artist, who has created many techniques and experimented with the form of a book, and the two following images to me are ideas on which my outcome could take.

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The first piece is called the Maze, and it is like a puzzle to unwrap the information inside. With the second image the work is called Mica Flags, and it is the same design of creating flaps in a concertina book, however it has been printed on a material called Mica. This makes me want to explore transparency in the work, and how areas can reveal something underneath it, and by incorporating elements like this I think maybe my previous images could work really successfully.

So I have gotten a bit behind with this project, even though I know I have done some fabulous and in-depth research and a lot of it. However while I have been away in the last couple of days, my mum was rushed to hospital, in Mexico, as she was in immense pain, and they discovered a huge amount of fluid in her abdomen, and two tumours, 8cm in size, and one on each ovary. Since then, obviously the focus has been on her, sorting out the travel insurance, and working out how to get her home for the urgent surgery she needs.

However I am using this post to try and show the direction I am thinking of heading in by reflecting on my research.

I tried to reach out to different people, some who talk about trauma on youtube and social media, and public speakers on the topic, but of yet I have had no response. Therefore even though I think it would be great to make this project participatory, at this time this is not possible. Therefore I want to make it more autoethnographical, but still be informed by research and others experiences. Therefore I had to look at my own trauma and PTSD and try to work out what do I want to express. Which experiences do I want to bring to light? I decided to use my experience of domestic abuse, even though I have other experiences which contribute to my PTSD. Because I then can continue the use of the ideas of my minor project, and there is more there I want to continue, and I believe this could be a great continuation of the work. And with me most of my PTSD come from that experience, because even though I experience rape, in a stand alone experience, that was still a huge part of my experience of domestic abuse. There is the most material to work with by focusing in on my domestic abuse experience.

Interaction has been hugely on my mind when considering this project, I think it is important for the viewer to be able to simulate how confusing and difficult it is to process, plus the emotional, triggering response as well. I have some more research on this which I will process soon once I have some more time, and have calmed down from the current situation. But I am thinking of a book, and how you see the repetitive nature, and triggers. But also the idea of explore the memories, so some pages can be a pop up book. Or some pages could fold out, when there are holes in the memories, I could literally cut holes out of the pages and you can see through to the next. I could use different papers to overlay on top of the images to make them hazy, or the feeling they are just out of reach. Add sliders onto the pages so you can reveal different parts of the images. But due to fact that the exhibition this year will be online, I want to see if I can reproduce this digitally, as where you click on different parts of the images and that reveals something new, or it zooms in, or makes things clearer. I know I can achieve this with using invisible links on a powerpoint document and then making that an interactive pdf. However I need to see if I can make this an online version, so it can be placed on a website for a digital exhibition. I know some basic coding, but not enough at this moment to make this work. But something to explore and see if I can learn the skills to achieve this on a very short time frame. However, side note, even before what has happened with my mum, I have had extenuating circumstances approved, therefore my deadline is now 9th June.

I have started to explore what the imagery may look like, however I think this will be something I work heavily on in the 10 days I am self isolating after I return to the UK hopefully on Tuesday morning, if my covid test when I am in the US is negative.

In previous posts I have started to explore methodologies and styles, however I think it is down now to experimentation. Drawing and painting things, scanning and photographing then cutting them up to create images reprehensive of traumatic memories and how that influences PTSD. I am still looking at printmaking, because of the repetitive nature of flashbulb memories and triggers, I really think this methodology would work, and by using multiple plates and mixing them up I can create combinations which show to confusing and overwhelming nature of PTSD.

Due to the fact that memories are usually not whole, and there are normally seperate thoughts and memories which make up a larger memory of experience I thought it would be interesting to research artists who use collage. During the second live brief, I started to explore more printmaking techniques which combined photographic techniques, which I am extremely familiar with, such as photo-etching and photo-polymer. But also drawing based printmaking techniques, such as aquatint and soft-ground etching, this gave a collaged look. I want to incorporate this more into this project because I truly believe this is like how memories are. Somethings are remembered clearly and photographic, and others are like a pencil sketch, or a bit blurred like a water colour etching, which I could use spit-bite technique, where one paints with acid over an aquatinted plate. This is a technique I would really like to explore with this project, and we began discussing in the printmaking workshops during my last project. As my work develops for this project, especially as I will have a delay for getting back into the workshops, as having to self isolate when I get back from the US at the beginning of term, I will be in contact with the technicians to discuss options. Because we have already begun discussing how they can accomodate a larger scale project with limited time in the studio, like maybe incorporating more dry-point, using hard-ground instead of softground in certain scenarios where I can take the plate home and draw on it instead. And how after I have aquatinted plates in the workshop, they can provide some stop-out and other varnishes so I can take home and draw on them then. Already discussing that even though the most expensive option, but also less experimental as the plate cannot be changed or added to, photopolymer may be the best option for my photo-images.

Anyway off-topic a bit. Next is going to be a selection of collage work which I find inspiring and I think could bring beneficial ideas to this project.

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I absolutely love these collages from the Artist Julien Pacaud. I love the compositions of them, and how he has incorporated text, images and textures, as I have started to explore this with my memory sketches. But they have a feeling of being disjointed but being cohesive at the same time. Looking at these images gives me some inspiration, and also how to incorporate some of the imagery I started to explore in the minor project. But I also loved the feeling of the black and white of these imagery, I found a lot of his other works and projects which incorporated a lot of colour came too much and I preferred the simplicity of these images.

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These are works from the artist Rober Rauschenberg, and here I found his works inspiring because of the mix of photographic and more markmaking techniques. But also the use of print, the image in the top right is a lithograph and the image at the bottom is a screen-print, with painted marks over the top. As I use more intaglio techniques for photographic images, and it is a process I prefer, but the idea of using screen-print off adding pops of colour.

These have started to give me ideas how to make more elegant compositions using ‘collage’.

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Currently due to my weird circumstances, I am not able to connect my ipad to wifi, therefore I have had to photograph my drawing on my ipad. This was more of an instictual process, and just went with what felt right and how the memory was forming in my head.

I decided to use one of my more traumatic memories, due to the fact my main trigger is unsolicited touch which came from this experience. My memory surrounding this event is very fragmented, which linked back to my more scientific research into how traumatic memories form differently normal memories.

This is a memory from my domestically abusive relationship which I explored in my minor project, and the main memory which has haunted me, is the first night I was raped by him. I remember all the emotions which were present, which was primarily anger and fear. I remember so clearly was how I was push down face-first into a pillow, so I could hardly see and it felt difficult to breathe, and the constant touch, which was felt everywhere. But also the thoughts of ‘It’s happening again’ as I was raped by my previous boyfriend when I broke up with him, also thoughts like ‘how could I let this happen again?’. After the rape though, I told Adam that if I say stop it means stop, and how painful it was. And he broke down crying, and wouldn’t stop repeating himself that he was sorry, he just got carried away in the moment, he thought I just meant stop for a second, why didn’t I tell him to stop again. How he knew I was going to break up with him, and that broke his heart, how he loves me so much. I spent hours comforting him and that has really impacted my memory of the experience.

The main image on the drawing is of a photograph of a pillow scrunched up up-close and then edited with a motion-blur to try and simulate what It looked and felt like to be pressed up against it.

I used my own handwriting for everything I said or thought, and I circled the thought as well, and I used type for everything Adam said as in a way that’s how I remember it, cold and removed.

I also circled the main image as that is like how my mind remembers it, circled with an exclamation mark, to tell me to remember this as it might save my life one day. And how that feeling pressed up against that pillows is something I could never forget and is ingrained into my mind.

Originally I used a very roughly sketched out handprint, but looking through my images on my Ipad I found some images I had created for my Chaos Side Hustle project in year one of printed handprints, and used that in other images to obviously represent that feeling of being touched everywhere, as I want to explore repetition and triggers in this project, I thought that would be an interesting pattern to continue into other memories, especially when I start trying to draw them all into a narrative of what it is like to live with PTSD. Also when getting back into the workshops I want to try and take a soft ground plate and actually use my hands to create the mark making, and try and be more aggressions and put more pressure on the fingertips and pull with them a bit to try and create a more aggressive looking hold, like clawing.

I also created a more simplified version, which held the main elements from the memory, which was the pillow and the feelings of fear that also symbolising and feelings of being trapped. The hand prints, as that became a huge trigger for me and still is. Finally the phrase ‘it happened again’, which I think would actually better as ‘how did I let this happened again?’ it hindsight, as that feeling of shame, guilt and blame sat with me for a long long time afterwards. Which is the edited version below.

I also want to do some drawing exercises where I draw from memory, but with my eyes closed. I want to experiment with colour. But also what about incorporating elements like the red wool I used in my minor project. This is the early stages, however I think the next part of my research and development is to build up this visual language, but also think about what story I want to tell and what that could look like, think about format. I think I need to free up a bit, a memory isn’t going to be in perfect composition, so I should not be afraid of it looking messy. Memories are messy.

Finally I think it is really important to think about interaction with this project, I want to be able to guide the viewer through the mind of someone experience PTSD and how confusing it is, and difficult to navigate.

Since starting my research for this project, I have been struggling with the idea of what does a memory look like? It seemed so impossible for me to visualise. My research into artists who use memory in their work, but also specifically artists who make memory physical. However I used instagram and saved and screenshotted posts which work reminded me of memories. I then used them to create a moodboard for me to refer to when visualising my own memories.

This artist had many inspirational pieces which related to how I personally visualise memories. This one which is a collage piece related to me because it made me think about how memories are not one clear photograph or video, which I knew before, but using collage as a technique I believe would work really well to show this idea of sticking everything together. Especially as much research and personal experience with traumatic memories show that it can all become very fragmented and you many focus on little things.

I had already decided that I thought mark-making would be a good technique especially when trying to visually describe feelings, emotions, touch and smell. This was a good example I found of that.

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The four images above are all in a similar style, and some with similar techniques. The first two were about the impermanence of shadows, which made me think of the metaphor of comparing memories and shadows. And all of them together made me think about how again memories are not photographic, and the etches can be blurred, information missing and how I could incorporate that into my visualisation of my memories. But also made we really wish I had ink with me so I could experiment with ink on wet paper and see how it bleeds and moves when creating more abstract interpretations of memories.

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The two images above by Brno Del Zou made me think about how we remember faces as they are three dimensional objects and how a photograph is 2 dimensional and we can remember it on many different planes, but also again this idea of fragmentation and how we focus on different things, and maybe this composition could work very well for my imagery even when it will not be faces.

On the 3^rd of March this year, a 33 year old woman, name Sarah Everard disappeared while walking home in Brixton Hill, London from a friend’s home. She was later found dead in a woodland area near Ashford, Kent a week later (BBC News, 2021). Her disappearance and death sparked the discussion and a movement around women’s safety. I personally do not like the way the topic has been situated around ‘women’s safety’ and I believe it should be more focused on the people who commit the violence. It isn’t a problem with women, it is a problem with men (and obviously some women) who commit the horrendous and violent crimes against woman. I have seen some ways of repositioning the topic in this way, however overnight after the conversation began after Everards death, the trending hashtag was #NotallMen. Men have positioned themselves in this way that it is not their problem, due to the fact they are not a man raping or murdering woman. However, as a society, woman experience sexist and misogynistic on a regular basis. I don’t know how many times I have been catcalled. I have had my drink spiked in a bar. I have overheard sexist jokes being made, and other men not backing woman up. Heard comments about his friend of not being capable of being a rapist, even after being accused because he is a good guy. Guys, ranking girls out of 10 based on their looks. Not taking no for answer when a woman is not interested in them, and then take it as a challenge to pursue. I worked in a restaurant, as a chef for years, an inherently male environment, and on a daily basis experienced some sort of sexism or harassment. This culture of how men, and not all men, view and treat woman and placing the blame on others is what leads to the rape culture we now have. Most woman are raped by someone close to them, the statistics show that stranger rape is very low (The Unspeakable Crime: Rape, 2013). This is also not helped by the victim blaming in the media of rape victims, are the media is centred primarily around protecting men instead of woman. Here an entire cultural shift is needed. After Sarah Everards death, on social media their was a backlash and comments about how she made the wrong decisions for walking home at night alone, and this is common from crime committed against women. The culture of victim blaming is high. When in rape cases in court, the defence have held up underwear saying she must of wanted it as she wore sexy underwear. Similarly woman getting harassed and being told well its because what you were wearing. It put the blame on women and not on men.

I saw a very good clip from BBC News with a man speaking about this, and changing the problem from being about women needing to protect themselves to men stopping be violent towards woman. And how it is not all men, however most violent crimes in general and not just towards woman are committed by men, and 97% of women in a recent survey declared they had been sexually harassed and for women this wasn’t a surprising statistic, but from men their was a backlash, some even accusing women of lying of overexaggerating. But also then turning the issue back on themselves, say ‘well men get abused too’ or ‘where are the statistics on women abuse men, I bet it is equal’ or ‘we get abused and harassed the same about but we don’t moan about it.’ And these articles are not declaring that men are not abused or raped, however stating the statistics for woman how it is a large issue for woman. There is a lack of compassion there and a pattern of denial.

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I think this has made my question and think about going down the path of PTSD from sexual assault, domestic abuse and rape, as with the current climate it could give an interesting narrative which others may have not thought of about the lasting mental consequences of certain crimes.

Dray, K (2021) ‘Jameela Jamil just underlined the big problem with that “not all men” argument’ Stylist 11 March Available at: https://www.stylist.co.uk/entertainment/celebrity/jameela-jamil-not-all-men-debate/494934 (Accessed: 30 March 2021)

Bindel, J (2021) ‘Julie Bindel: Women shouldn’t have to be always vigilant. Male violence is for me to fix’ Evening Standard 11 March Available at: https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/julie-bindel-women-vigilant-male-violence-men-fix-b923532.html (Accessed: 30 March 2021)

Rainbow, S (2021) ‘‘Men aren’t even a part of it’: Why we need to change the way we talk about gendered violence’ Evening Standard 12 March Available at: https://www.standard.co.uk/insider/sarah-everard-sexual-harassment-violence-women-gender-language-statistics-b923865.html (Accessed: 30 March 2021)

Beaten by My Boyfriend (2015) BBC Three, 25 March, 21:00 Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2XzvBXoNF4 (Accessed: 14 November 2020)

The Unspeakable Crime: Rape (2013) BBC One, 4 June, 22:35 Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQmrqN7ZhzA&t=6s (Accessed: 14 November 2020)

BBC News (2021) Sarah Everard death: Inquest opened and adjourned 18 March Available at: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-56442376#:~:text=The%2033%2Dyear%2Dold%20vanished,was%20released%20for%20a%20funeral. (Accessed: 30 March 2021)

Triggers can be anything, but they are something which makes you relive your traumatic experience. For some peoples they can be specific smells or sounds which occurred during the event. However other situations like if your trauma occurred in a small room you might then avoid them in the future as that could be triggering. But also, say if you were in a car crash, going back into a car may trigger that memory and make you relive it therefore being in a car can become very distressing.

As triggers can be anything, I am going to discuss my personal triggers, and how they affect and/or affected my life.

After my initial rape in December 2017, I avoided my bed, because being on it, in it etc. at first just made me uncomfortable and unsafe, because in the first month I could piece my memories together to actually realise what happened to me. I knew something was wrong due to the feelings towards my bed. Once I realised and started to process my experience, every time I laid in that bed I relived my experience. I no longer suffer from this trigger due to the fact I moved away as soon as could. But because of this, I got very little sleep, which was incredibly difficult because of my work schedule of being a chef.

The main trigger I still have today, which has mainly come from my experience with domestic and ongoing sexual abuse, is unsolicited touch. If someone I don’t know, or especially if I don’t trust touches me, even if it isn’t meant to be harmful, I jump away from the touch and I relieve the experience of different times of unsolicited touch, especially in an unwanted sexual way from my abusive relationship. But also if anyone touches me around the neck I get triggered very easily. But this also continues to when I am upset, nearly anyone’s touch can trigger me because my emotional state is already in the same condition as it was in those time. I have been triggered from people at work and even my brother.

Similarly tv shows, not necessarily watching them, but the noise they produce, specifically family guy, as it was the tv show my abusive ex put on every night to go to sleep and it was on many times when traumatic experiences occurred.

There will probably be others, when I hear the name Adam, sometimes I experience the feeling of like maybe he is around, but that normally quickly dissipates. I had to get rid of any connection of him and my previous ex, Sjur, off all social media because any mention, photograph I found very triggering. Sometimes people something that reminds me of them, and my experience and that can be triggering. I still get triggered by several things and they come out of the blue at random times. I have found in general the discussion going on after Sarah Everard’s death being quite triggering and I can only digest it in small chunks. Sometimes I go months without being triggered and then one little thing throws me back into that time. Not that long ago, I was at work, and a guy walk past, and I immediately thought it was Adam, I quickly calmed my self down, but it was like I had the entire 6 months flash before my eyes, and those deep emotions of fear brought up, that I wanted to run and hide. Due to my naturally logical self, I was able to calm myself down, because even though they looked similar it probably wasn’t there, why would he be in the City of London, had too expensive shoes on. Those little details really helped grounded myself. But I also talked through the situation of what would have happened if it was him and if he spotted me and how I would deal with it. And realising no-matter what it would be okay. I was okay.

However, I dealt with a lot of nightmares when it feel happened, nearly every night, I would wake up, sweating and terrified and that was really hard to go through the day with those memories haunting me at night. I still have nightmares frequently, and I haven’t identified a trigger, however I have them around 2-3 times a month.

Nightmares for me are more in depth than triggered flashbacks. For me flashbacks are normally quite short, and normally are a feeling of intense emotion from a memory, with little snippets of visual memories. Where nightmares, I experience the whole ordeal again, and I feel even more trapped than before, like all my emotions are on overdrive, but also it brings the memory back really fresh, when it could feel like it was fading for a while. I think it is my minds way of stopping me from dissociating, and forgetting what happened, like it is telling me, remember this, it might save you one day. Which heavily relates to the research I did on how memories formulate during traumatic events.

When beginning to explore PTSD within the media and especially the representation within film and tv, my original conception and then from research it proved correct that most representation about PTSD was about war veterans. For instance when searching for the top 10 films about PTSD, in one list from Inspire Malibu (2018) 8 out of 10 of the films, the PTSD portrayed was from war veterans, and in the second list by Alo House (no date) 4 out of 8 films involved war induced PTSD, however this website is of a recovery centre for people with mental health conditions, so not surprising it is more inclusive. However, there seems to be a lack of representation of people who suffer with PTSD from other scenarios and traumatic events. For years, PTSD held the misconception that only war/combat veterans could suffer from the condition, and originally being called Shell Shock after WW2. However, this misconception is slowly being irradicated. However, even from my experience of talking to people about my own diagnosis of PTSD, they question me and ask me how, when I have never been in the army, or fought in a war. This is difficult for people who have experienced other extremely traumatic events, as it insinuates that they can’t have PTSD and less likely to get help, but especially within people who have experienced domestic abuse, and sexual violence, where there is commonly a feeling of blame and guilt, it increases those feelings because it is like people are saying it is not that bad, or they shouldn’t be feeling the way they do.

Marvel’s Jessica Jones is a TV show on Netflix which has tackled the subject of PTSD in Women who have experienced sexual assault and rape, and has been heavily praised for it’s handling of the topic. The character, who also had PTSD in the original comics, experiences PTSD after being mind controlled by the Villain of the series Killgrave (portrayed by David Tennant), and it is insinuated that she was raped by him. Even though this is extreme as it is a super-hero show it does mirror what it feels like to be in domestic and sexually abusive relationship. Throughout the show, we see her flashbacks and what triggers them, some are only a second and some are a lot longer. We see how some are clear and crisp, and others are more blurred. But also, how one can dissociate and see the event through a third person perspective. I re-watched the first 3 episodes, to gather primary research to see how I connected to these scenes, especially as I had not seen the series since before my traumatic experiences and also did secondary research on articles about the show, and how the media reacted to it. I will be going into detail more into the show and it’s representation including the visual techniques it uses in a deeper analysis in another post.

I found it fascinating in how this show had such a positive reaction from the press and media about its representation of sexual assault, rape and PTSD, as there is sort of a movement against showing these kind of events, especially explicit rape on tv shows and film as it can be triggering to survivors. Which I completely understand, and I believe this is due to most of the time it not being done right. For instance, in Game of Thrones (a TV show I haven’t watched), showed ‘over 50 rape scenes across what had then been just five seasons’ (Abraham, 2017). With this it was normally used as a method of creating ‘high drama’ plot devices, as something to ‘titillate’ (Abraham, 2017). They never showed the long lasting affect it had on the victim, and this leads to a risk ‘of normalizing gender-based violence without highlighting the long and lasting consequences it can have on survivors’ lives’ (Girls Inc., no date). Also it has become common in many shows and films without warning the viewer of what is to come to be able to make the informed choice on whether they wish to watch the show or not. I believe this is because they want to keep the audience in suspense and use it as a shock tactic. Which I believe is wrong. However there is many people calling for rape to be banned from being in film and tv, however in my opinion I think this could be very damaging, as the subject would become more stigmatised as it wouldn’t be a conversation that needs to happen and the consequences of rape and sexual assault wouldn’t been seen to the masses. However I believe it needs to be done right.

In Jessica Jones from what I remember and watched so far, the incident itself isn’t showed but instead discussed and insinuated and instead focuses on the consequences, and how one deals with the trauma. In the show Outlander, it shows many experiences of rape, some times explicit and others comment of how one deals with the experience or how society views rape and sexual assault. But it is never used as a shock tactic, and the affects of the trauma are seen through episodes and even series. It is another series which has been accused of using rape too often in it’s show even when it is just representing the books it is based on. Myself, who is a rape and domestic abuse survivor, I found some of these scenes emotional but they showed them with the respect they deserve. The show is a period drama and based in the 18^th century, and frequently is a commentary on what woman’s lives and experiences were in that time, and ignoring rape and sexual assault would have been ignoring a part of the history and experience of woman. But also they showed an experience of male rape, which I think is an important subject to discuss. I have a personal connection to male rape, as my brother was raped when he was in university after he was drugged. He found it hard to recover especially as it is an issue which is not commonly connected to men, and this scene in the show opened up the conversation and showed that you don’t need to put on a brave face and you ‘don’t need to be a man’ and it is difficult to deal with no-matter your gender. In a later series, a young woman gets raped while trying to find her family, when travelling alone. And the incident was not filmed explicitly but instead focuses on how, as it was in an inn/tavern the people who could even hear it happening, just ignored it, like it was so normalised and not their issue. I think this is a great mirror on what the situation is like today, especially with how the #NotallMen trended after Sarah Everards death and the comment of Women’s safety, and how it seemed like they were saying it is not their problem because it is not them, it’s not all men. But also, she became pregnant from the rape, and this brought up questions about how becoming pregnant from such a traumatic event can affect someone mentally but also abortion but as being a period drama not safely available but the discussions surrounding the risks but also benefits, a very honest and realistic conversation. The most recent in the show, which was in the last episode aired, showed how one can dissociate and go to a place in their head which is deemed safe to try and escape. However, with all of these occasions it was never just there for a shock tactic, it changed that person’s story line and the impact is felt further down the line, and how each character is working though their personal trauma to recover, but also how friends and family can support you, and having the discussions around it.

In the show also, they have depicted PTSD from a different trauma, which was where one of the main characters was hanged by a crime, they did not commit but was cut down in time, and saved. But the experience was extremely traumatic. The character, Roger, after his near-death experience, was refusing to talk, at first the rest of the cast believing from damage to his vocal cords, but this wasn’t the case but instead he was ‘reliving his would-be execution as if it were a silent movie playing over and over in his head’ (Reiher, 2020). This was an incredible way of demonstrating visually of how one experiences PTSD, and it was connected to the character. Even though this is a period drama, many of the characters are from the future, therefore that is why he relived his experience in silent movies as that was one of the things he did for happiness when he lived in the future. But it also raised the topic of PTSD, how it was (in the future, it gets complicated because of the time travelling aspect) Shell Shock, and they saw people coming back from the Vietnam war fighting with it. However, the show also showed how it does not only affect the person with it but also the surrounding people. His wife felt very isolated while trying to look after their young baby and felt like she lost her husband even though he was right there in front of her.

However, this topic of banning the showing of rape and sexual assault because of its triggering affects, makes me think of how we still have many war films, and they are triggering to veterans suffering with PTSD. But also, they are very dramatized and also used solely for entertainment purposes. I think there is a lot of questions there, and I am not sure what the right answer is. But I think war films are more acceptable, and the showing of some other traumas, one because of the societal context and they are not as stigmatised. But also, normally it is normally very clear was is a war film and what is not, therefore the viewer is given the choice easily without trigger warnings. But also, as mentioned a lot of the times rape and sexual assault is used as shock techniques and tactics, which I believe is wrong, and not right, but instead should be honestly show what life is like for a woman or a man recovering from these situations and traumas. I think this is also a problem because there isn’t many woman in high up jobs within the entertainment and film industry, and many shows which use these techniques do not have the personal experience or even gathered research on what it is like, and because of this feeling it doesn’t affect men, they use it without context. This needs to be changed but getting rid of these issues in film and tv, I think will lead to further stigmatisation and people not being exposed to it, having conversations about it and realising it’s impact.

Note: There is a lot more shows and discussion which could continue around this subject, however I used examples from shows I have watched or seen in the news surrounding the subject, to get a base understanding of the issue here.

Reiher, A (2020) ‘Outlander’ Recap: A Silent Movie Motif and Roger’s PTSD 12 April Available at: https://variety.com/2020/tv/recaps/outlander-recap-season-5-episode-8-famous-last-words-1234570842/ (Accessed: 30 March 2021)

Alo House (no date) 8 Movies about PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) Available at: https://alorecovery.com/8-movies-about-ptsd-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/ (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Inspire Malibu (2019) 10 Films About Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 20 January Available at: https://www.inspiremalibu.com/blog/dual-diagnosis/10-films-about-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/ (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Elizabeth, D (2016) 7 Rape Culture Storylines in TV and Movies That Get the Issue Right 18 November Available at: https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/rape-culture-in-tv-movies (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Abraham, A (2017) How Sexual Assault Survivors Feel Watching Rape Scenes on TV 4 September Available at: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/rape-scenes-film-tv-effects (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Girls Inc. (no date) What TV Shows Get Right (and Wrong) About Sexual Assault Available at: https://girlsinc.org/tv-sexual-assault-portrayals/(Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Saleh, N. (2020) How the Stigma of Mental Health is Spread by Mass Media Available: https://www.verywellmind.com/mental-health-stigmas-in-mass-media-4153888 (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Truong, K (2018) What Jessica Jones Gets Right About Women & PTSD Available at: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/jessica-jones-season-2-women-ptsd-sexual-abuse (Accessed: 10 March 2021)

Long, S (2015) 8 times Jessica Jones addressed PTSD and rape in season 1 Available at: https://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1103801/the-times-jessica-jones-season-1-addressed-ptsd-and-rape/ (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Scarlet, J (2018) What Jessica Jones Teaches us about Surviving Sexual Assault Available at: https://www.syfy.com/syfywire/what-jessica-jones-teaches-us-about-surviving-sexual-assault (Accessed: 10 March 2021)

How do we record memories? As we know our memories are not perfect and can’t capture everything, but also because we know they fade and overtime they can be eventually forgotten, we use different methods of recording the experience and information so that down the line we can revisit our experiences. There are many different ways of doing this, but some examples are photographs, and decades ago, polaroid’s were and still are a way of creating instance snapshots in time, you take a photo and they were instantly be printed and to be stored, but due to the invention of smartphones and digital photography not as necessary. Instead of photo albums which I loved flicking through when I was a child we can flick through years of memories on our phones, and digitally stores these memories to revisit at any time and any place.

Diaries and Journals are a way of creating a written account of a time, and an experience. Many people write in a journal or a diary frequently and consistently. Also, this is commonly used as a place to record feelings and emotions relating to a time, which is difficult to capture in a form such as a photograph. These are very personal accounts of a time, and are presented in the way the individual recalls, or interpreted events therefore they don’t necessary give an objective view of events.

Scrapbooks are a mix of the two, they mix imagery, collected items, written text and photographs. I think this style might be an interesting to investigate for this project, as to me it is similar to how we remember memories, how we do remember how things look, but we also have that ‘text’ like from a diary, the story of the memory and event. But also like a scrap book, you have snapshots of related things, and ideas and memories of the little details from around a time. I am looking into all these because when thinking about what does a memory look like? I was coming up blank, I am going to use/do some drawing exercises to work how do memories look like to me, and I am trying to explore how to make memories physical.

British Artist, Anya Gallaccio, is an site-specific and minimalist installation artist. The main and central theme in her work in metamorphosis (Victoria and Albert Museum, 2004a) She frequently works with organic matter, such as chocolate, flowers and ice. Due to this fact, her installations transform as time progresses and they decay, this means she can’t understand no predict how her installations will end up looking or become by the end. For instance, a work which mainly involves flowers, at the beginning of the exhibition and installation, the aroma and scent of flowers would be extremely pleasant and pleasurable, however as the flowered decayed would become the opposite, more and more unpleasant. Because of all of this her work is particularly difficult and presents many challenges in documenting her work as it is very time and site specific. She is challenging what is usually considered to be an art object or a sculpture should be, especially in the form of a monument within a museum or a gallery setting.

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Her work therefore lives in the memories of those who saw and experienced it, along with the concept of the work itself. Also due to no one seeing it from beginning to end, it becomes a collective memory and together it tells the story of the work. I find this idea fascinating especially in relation to my current path of research being memory, and asking is this interactive way of creating art something I could incorporate into my work going forward. But also as her work is concerned with the themes of change and decay, I believe that is important to note in my current research for inspiration, as I am looking a memories, and in a way something quite fragile, which do decay over time, or change and can be manipulated. These could be other themes I could intertwine with my work.

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Even though most of her work is installation based, she has also created some more static images such as Black Ice and White Ice. These were both prints, but using different mediums and surfaces. Black Ice being an etching which was created by digitally manipulating a photograph and creating a steel plate from the image and then printed onto paper. Whereas White Ice is a Screen-print on a mirrored acrylic surface. The pieces together symbolise and show this passing of time, ‘from pristine snow to despoiled slush and ice’ (Victoria and Albert Museum, 2004a). I am hoping to be able to visit and see these works in person when Museums reopen, as they are currently on display at the V&A. However these work are key for me, as they show they same concepts and ideas in her main installation work but applying that to print, and as myself a printmaker, it is great and inspiring to see how those ideas and concepts can translate into print.

Victoria and Albert Museum (2004a) Black Ice Available at: https://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O106410/black-ice-print-gallaccio-anya/ (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Victoria and Albert Museum (2004b) White Ice Available at: https://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O106429/white-ice-print-gallaccio-anya/  (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Tate (no date) Anya Gallaccio Available at: https://www.tate.org.uk/art/artists/anya-gallaccio-2658 (Accessed: 29 March 2021)

Tate (no date) Anya Gallaccio preserve ‘beauty’ Available at: https://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/gallaccio-preserve-beauty-t11829 (Accessed: 29 March 2021)